DIFFERENT BALANCES

 It's an unsettling time, clearing and sorting Miriam's bedroom, her Scotch Chest, her large cupboard which holds photo albums as well as boxes with old photos.  And then there are the coats we have gathered over so many years.  Some quite worn, but oh so comfortable.  I ask myself, how many coats does an old woman need?

 No delicate branch acrobatics for me either while I'm trying to balance my time, appointments, working on Tipping the Balance, a novel for young adults.  It's good to be back 'inside' that historical novel again. 

During day time the kereru is busy in the tree outside my study.  It's wonderful to see the huge bird, trying to balance itself on fragile branches.  The flowers aren't out yet and I hope our neighbour won't cut down this safe haven for birds.
How I love watching this gorgeous creature with its proud chest and delicate colouring.

Kereru

 At night I look out of my window and see the new moon.  It moves so fast within my dark window, 'sailing' from the upper right hand corner to the middle left.  It inspired me to write this simple poem.

Closer to the moon

The new moon hangs outside my window.
A bleached pumpkin,
peeled, cut, sliced,
processed into soup or stew,
added to an avocado salad.

Do astronauts think of white pumpkin soup
while occupying orbits?

Do they think of wives in kitchens on earth,
taking kids to school,
putting pumpkin pie in lunch boxes?

I wonder whether thoughts of fear and failure still circle them
while being closer to the moon?
Are there racing thoughts of urgent bills to be paid,
of fragile relationships that need mending?

Perhaps they too dream of pumpkins growing
while staying on the ground.

HH 2013

BIRDS AND BEES

 This morning's front page of the Otago Daily Times (our local paper) shows a fantastic photo taken in the Dunedin Botanic Garden of a kowhai tree in flower with a kereru digging into the goodness of the flowers of this beautiful tree. There are also two smaller photos of a tui and a bumblebee enjoying the flowery nibbles on a mild July day.  Mild?  Middle of winter?  Daffodils in a white vase inside, windows wide open, bell birds singing outside while they, together with tui and wax eyes, wait for their daily dose of sugar water.  More details about our unusual weather in this afore mentioned article.

 During the past year I've posted photos of tui sipping sugar water from a large plate on our balcony, photos of kereru sitting on branches of the Vergilia trees outside my study, but unfortunately have never tried to take a photo of a bumblebee.

 The ODT photographers are very good and it's always fascinating to observe how they find special areas in our town that need our awareness.  Daring too!  When in early 2000 Miriam had her exhibition in the Moray Gallery, Stephen Jacquerie (ODT) stood on the pergola rafters to take a photo of her sitting down in our garden surrounded by dozens of her paintings. 

Back and cover pages of book about Miriam

 Tonight Bart and I went to the launch of Raymond Huber's stunning children's book Flight of the Honey Bee with amazing illustrations by Brian Lovelock.  Claire Beynon launched the book in a witty and thoughtful speech.  It was wonderful to be with our friends at this happy occasion.  The book is dedicated to Raymond's and his wife Penelope Todd's first grandchild, Spencer Bond.   What a lucky child he is.  The book has already been translated into the Danish language.  Let's hope it will be translated into many other languages as well.  This book deserves to be treasured.

THE SEASONS COME AND GO

Time to prepare

The Helleborus is out!

 We are still in the middle of winter, so far having survived a few snowstorms, high winds, heavy rainfall and, in the centre of New Zealand earthquakes with massive aftershocks.  We think of the people in Wellington and Christchurch, having to cope with these scary rumblings.

 Each year I'm excited when I see the first flower of the Christmas Rose (above).  I planted it nearly 40 years ago.  It's surrounded by several other Hellebore with purple and lilac colours, and taller stems but I just adore this little one.   Here in Dunedin we've had beautiful spring days, temperatures up to 15 degrees C.  and Bart has been in the garden, clearing and tidying as he goes.

 Clearing and tidying is going to be our main task for the next few months as we are now preparing for our big move early next year to the Summerset Bishopscourt Retirement Village in another part of town.  I don't really want to think yet of leaving our very special suburb of Opoho after having lived here for 53 years but we cannot afford to stay here any longer.  In the meantime our focus will be to concentrate on clearing this house with its five bedrooms and keep enough furniture and 'chattels' to fit a small apartment with two bedrooms.   So, after having emptied cupboards and wardrobes we already have left various bags at the Red Cross and other second hand outfits.  There are more to follow.

  Then came a small challenge.  The photo I'm inserting below shows a clean version of a carboy.  You should have seen it before Bart put the hose in it.  When we moved into this house in 1974 I filled this carboy with soil, charcoal (to keep the soil moist) and pebbles in which I planted begonias and tiny ferns and other green bits and pieces.   After a few years, life's hectic pace took over and I totally ignored the carboy and the plants (shame, woman, shame!).  Gradually the plants withered and all that was left was a dark mass at the bottom.  But we cleaned the glass jar with sand soap and garden hose and hey presto: here it is.

Clean Carboy

 When we shifted from the front house which we bought in 1966 to this newly-built house I thought of the John Lennon song 'Imagine'.  And as we carried our few possessions down the drive I hummed 'imagine no possessions' and thought how lucky we were to move into our new home.  Now the time has come to let go of some of those possessions, and I feel grateful that a sense of detachment is slowly taking over.  As long as I've got my family, friends, music and books I'll be all right.

 Now off to the next project: clearing another wardrobe in a room that looks out onto this glorious camellia.

Here's to a spring day in the middle of winter.

MIRIAM's LEARNING PLACE

GOOD NEWS

Stella and Donald Cullington at DCLC with ltr Nichola Ferguson, Miriam Hellendoorn and Rebecca Thompson

So much has happened but with this blog I want to acknowledge the generosity of Dunedin residents with the result that the Dunedin Community Learning Centre can continue to function.  What a relief it was to hear that the Lotteries Community Funding has offered support for another three years and that so many Dunedin people, after reading the Otago Daily Times' article about the possible forthcoming closure of DCLC, came forward with generous donations.  At this stage I can name a few, the Accounting firm Deloitte; Mrs Dawn Ibbotson; Stella and Donald Cullington; the Junior School of John McGlashan College who gave half the money they raised by their Readathon (GO WELL Boys!).  And not to forget that every time we buy Anchor Milk products their support of fundraising sets in.

There are so many others and at our recent Pot Luck Dinner Trudy Scott acknowledged the other donors.  She writes in her latest news: 'It was great to meet again or for the first time some of our generous sponsors.  They are truly lovely people with caring hearts.'

Oh, yes, Trudy!  You are so right.  And what a relief for all of us, parents and caregivers of your students, to know that our children will be stimulated and supported by you and your equally generosity-inspiring team.

The amazing work of The Dunedin Community Learning Charitable Trust (The Trustees are Christine Thompson, Sandra Boock, Katherine Sturgeon, Paul O'Neill and Eric Shelton) has to be acknowledged with 'gold accolades'.  The Trustees have gone beyond the call of duty to keep the Centre open and their latest effort is a wonderful pamphlet outlining the DCLC's History, Student Comments, Life Skills, Community Based Learning and their Dream for the Future.  Here are some of the photos and Student Comments in this delightful and impressive leaflet:

"I learn things"
"I like swimming"
"I like painting"
"It's fun"
"We make things"
"We have fun and make friends"
"I like mowing lawns"
"It's fun when the Otago Polytechnic students come for work experience"

And more great news:  In the meantime the Fundraising Committee has met to discuss a few ideas in the pipeline and as Trudy writes, 'they are working hard on behalf of us all.'

Thank you all.  We count our blessings and keep believing in miracles.

NEARLY WINTER

Wake up to snow with a Maruia thermometer on zero.

Wonderful surprise to see the snow this morning.  Dunedin's hill suburbs are challenging to negotiate when snow and/or ice take over.  Schools stay closed as do the motorways going north and south. It usually doesn't last long and we are still young at heart to enjoy the excitement of a different view.

But Miriam will be worried.  She now goes by taxi from her new abode to the Community Learning Centre and the routine of her day will be interrupted when she can't go there because of the weather.

Since she left home I have missed her so much, and deep in my heart still felt cold fear and concern about the new situation.  I cried a lot, especially when I'd go into her bedroom.   But then came Mother's Day!  Miriam gave me a gorgeous wee box with little gifts (bubble bath and a cookie) she'd made herself at CLC and proudly presented them when she and Ray came for lunch at 12.00 noon.  We had a lovely time sitting together, chatting, eating, drinking wine.   Miriam doing her Word Find.  We'd had our coffee and gluten-free cake (Miriam recently had a diagnosis of Coeliac Disease -  phew!!!!) and just after 2 o'clock Miriam put her Word Find in her bag, looked at her watch, looked at me, looked at her watch again, looked at me again - was she trying to hypnotise me???  I thought of the little word circles coming out of people's heads in cartoons  and I could hear her thinking I want to go home.  I knew this routine from previous situations when we were out visiting so I took her hand and said, 'Darling, you are ready to go back?'

Well, you should've seen her face.  A shining beam, wide gleaming eyes, 'Yes, Mum, thank you.'

And I thought, there is now need to worry any more.  It was as if a heavy load had disappeared.  Exactly two months to the day when she left home she showed me that the routine of her new home had become as important (and perhaps even stronger) as the routine she had with us.  What a gift these few words were.  To receive them on Mother's Day made them even more special.

A few days later I mentioned to my sister in Holland what had happened.  She said, 'Oh, that must have hurt you so much!'   And I was glad when I could say, 'No, I don't feel hurt at all, I can only be grateful that my adult daughter has responded in her own way to this latest challenge.'

Routine means a lot for people with Down syndrome.  I can understand that we as parents have been part of that routine in her life and that we now have truly let her go, knowing that she will keep on adjusting to the changes in her life and in her own way will rise to any challenging situation.  The wonderful staff at McGlynn keep telling us that Miriam is very independent! 

There are challenges ahead for us too.  This will be the last winter we'll have in this wonderful house.  More about that in another blog when I hopefully will be able to untangle some gnarled branches.

This morning's photo of ladder in the apple tree (as in a previous blog!)

One more.  I'm like a child when there's snow, can't stop taking photos.

'Think of those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer.'

MUSIC TIME

Miriam has settled in well at her new home.  We meet regularly and it's good to see that she feels confident.  We regularly take her out: a coffee, a doctor's visit, and she'll come home for the day on Mother's Day. I still miss her but have realised how necessary it has been to make the decision to let her go.  There are still enough challenges ahead.

Dunedin Town Hall: The Octet at the RSA Revue 2013

Last Thursday night, Miriam, Ray and I enjoyed being part of the audience as the RSA Choir gave their annual ANZAC Day Revue performance in our newly refurbished Town Hall.  The choir and their guests gave us a fantastic time.  Bart has been singing in this choir for nearly twenty years and we are always proud to see him being part of a dedicated group of men.  I've been trying to get Foster and Ray interested in choir singing but alas, no luck so far.  'Just because you and Dad like to sing in choirs, doesn't mean we do!'  OK, no problem!!  I don't trust my voice any more but am glad Bart can still enjoy this soul-healing pastime.  At the end of June we'll be in the Town Hall again when he takes part in Verdi's Requiem with the Dunedin City Choir.  Oh, to be a tenor!

Bart ready to sing.

On Saturday we had music of a different kind.  Some of our delightful neighbours in the house next door study music papers at the University of Otago's Music Department and on Saturday they had a house-warming party for their friends.  It was lovely to hear their hilarity. Earlier Clinton and Max had wheeled our barbecue away and as trustworthy neighbours we had been asked to 'cat-sit' their equally delightful young cat Jenny.  Victoria came over with Jenny's basket and her toys and we did have challenging fun trying to keep her inside.  But all went well and Jenny and basket went home at 11 p.m.  Miriam was allergic to cats so after our Liesel died we never did get another cat.

Jenny and Rabbit

This has nothing to do with music but on Friday our back yard neighbour's designer rabbit escaped its hutch by burrowing a hole through the grass underneath the cage and started to enjoy our vegetable garden's selection.  It especially favoured the leeks!!  As these neighbours were away Bart put the gorgeous long-floppy-eared creature in our cat-transport cage.  I chopped up carrots and beetroot leaves.  Jenny, on one of her visits, played tic-tac with the rabbit and probably wondered why we had put her playmate in the cage for the night. The next morning the rabbit was happy to explore the rest of the garden and play with Jenny, go back in the cage at night and spend the day having vegetable-freedom until the neighbours arrived home on Sunday evening.

Back to music again.  Sunday afternoon's Verdi's La Traviata on the Concert Programme was a wonderful occasion.  I do hope we'll get to see it here one day as part of the Metropolitan Opera HD Live Series in our Dunedin Rialto Cinema where I was fortunate to watch this afternoon Donizetti's Maria Stuarda.  What a treat it is to sit and listen to glorious music and watch world-class performers who take our minds away to a totally different world. Today, Joyce DiDonato's voice is divine and her singing and acting as Mary, Queen of Scots was sublime, sublissimo!  I admit I sobbed a lot during the second part and even the 10-minute drive home didn't manage to get my emotional level back to normal.  Even now, several hours later, I still can feel it in my shoulders!

ANZAC DAY

Turmoil in the sky

Tomorrow is ANZAC Day when we remember the men and women of Australia and New Zealand who died in war time, giving their lives so that people in their home countries could continue to live in a free world.  We must remember them.
My own memories as a child in a European country at war are still vivid.  I was fortunate to have had the opportunity to talk to an expert about those often horrific experiences which had left me with nightmares and I feel a deep sadness for those who did not, and still do not now have that opportunity.

The following is a short excerpt from my unpublished novel The Orange Garden where the main character, Anna, visits a War Cemetery in Oosterbeek, The Netherlands.  She then remembers her first attendance at an ANZAC Day Dawn Service in Dunedin.

"Anna drives to Oosterbeek. Near the Old Church stands a monument. Not One Shall Be Forgotten.

Her mind turns back to New Zealand. The Anzacs.

How many graves of New Zealand and Australian soldiers will be at the Arnhem-Oosterbeek War Cemetery?

Large trees, rhododendrons, azaleas, flowers everywhere at the graveside. A memorial stone THEIR NAME LIVETH FOR EVERMORE. White crosses spreading endlessly. So many of them. Far too many. Four RNZAF casualties from New Zealand.

The Cross of Sacrifice at the far end. The sacrifice of war. A war that affected so many people. The cross that faraway families of the deceased had to bear. Grieving from a distance.

Around her people turn to each other, hugging, crying. A young man stands next to her. 'I'll never forget this.'

She remembers the day her village was evacuated, walking next to her mother in the long queue, wanting to help push the pram that held Ada. She closes her eyes, sees the foreign soldiers in their khaki uniforms standing outside the large villa, distributing tea and white bread. Lifting her up, 'How little you are. You are so beautiful. This is why we came. To help you.'

Because of their sacrifice, we had the opportunity to make a new life.

Anzac Day in Dunedin earlier in the year. She'd called Belinda: ‘Will you come with me to the Dawn Service?’

‘I'll meet you outside the Early Settlers Museum.’

In the early morning darkness they gathered quietly around the cenotaph, the air chilly with the first light frost of the season. It was hard to distinguish the faces of old and young people who’d gathered to lay wreaths at the base of the monument. Fresh, green, sharp-pointed leaves dotted with white roses and velvety carnations.

Anna had looked at people standing around her. Had they come to share with others the memories of those who died in the wars? Perhaps even for some those memories were so painful that they still didn't talk about it, didn't allow any silent anger and hurt to surface, afraid of not being able to control that pain.

As the booms of the gun thundered across the Queen’s Gardens, over the city and up the hills, Anna shivered. The daylight gradually appeared as the Returned Servicemen Association's male choir sang Gwahoddiad: 'And He the witness gives to loyal hearts and free, That ev’ry promise is fulfilled if faith but brings the plea’.

Later, their frozen feet slowly thawing near the open fire in her living room, Anna passed Belinda a mug of coffee, ‘That sound. That horrible sound of the gun, reminds me of those guns and the noise of the planes during the war. I'm still petrified when I hear a low-flying plane. Have I ever told you what Dad and I did on our first Anzac Day here?’

‘Can’t remember, Mum.’

Anna passed Belinda a plate with speculaas. ‘We got up early and walked to the Queen’s Gardens via Anzac Avenue. Dad and I were so moved by the service that we didn’t talk much on the way back, but as we were getting close to home Dad said, “Let’s go to Mount Cargill.”'

‘We stood at the top of the hill in the hazy stillness of that autumn morning. We didn't talk. It was too hard.’

Leaving the cemetery with its many white crosses Anna walks to the car. She thinks, Belinda did understand when she said on Anzac Day, Those memories are part of you. But she couldn't see that understanding. Not then.

All these years. So much distance between them. Between Anna and her daughter. Thank God she came with her to Holland. Thank God the barriers are dissolving."

Sunset in Wanaka